Confessions of a Teenaged Heart

This year has been one of great emotion. Sadness, loneliness, anger, bitterness, and happiness are among these feelings.

I'm extremely happy to graduate this year, but I can't help but wonder if I have impacted my classmates' lives like they have impacted mine.

I'm so sad that I have been down roads where I shouldn't have been, and possibly ruined my witness.

I feel like I'm all alone in this world as I try to stay on the straight and narrow.

I get angry when things don't work out the way I originally planned on.

I have been bitter at my old pastor, my current pastor, my family and at times even God for things that happen beyond my control.

These are just some of the things that I feel on a regular basis. I know that some of these feelings are normal and it won't hurt me for feeling this way. But some of them can be spiritually deadly.

I have talked to God about all of these feelings, but sometimes, even though I know God hears me, I feel like my prayers don't get far above the bed side. People say it's just because I am a teenager. But I don't agree with this. Teenagers may be moody, but they know more than people give them credit for.

I know what it's like to lose people you love. I've lost twice. I know what its like to be burdened by someone elses' problems. I know what it's like to be judged by adults. I know what it's like to have parents that fight. I know what it's like when you realize things that you thought were important, weren't that important after all.

We know a lot more than people think. We get treated like we have no idea what pain is, or that we don't know what it's like to have your world literally crashing down. We know what it's like when God answers our prayers, and we know what it's like when God doesn't.

I don't understand everything, but I know how I feel. I know that sometimes I feel like God doesn't care, but then I get reminded of the cross. I know that He loves me all the time, whether I feel like He does or not. He is my King!

I love You, Jesus! And I'm happy that even when I mess up or have hateful feelings that You stretched Your arms out wide to tell me that You loved me so much that You DIED to be with me. Jesus, You are my everything. I love You so much.

Confessions of a Teenaged Heart.

I Surrender All

If you have been in the car with me, listened to my Ipod, looked through my CD collection then you know that I have what the worlds considers a "strange" taste in music. I listen to The Inspirations, The Primitives, The McKameys, The Gaither Vocal Band, Karen Peck and New River and many other Southern Gospel groups.

Most people think this is the craziest thing they have ever heard. I've had several friends tell me that they love God, but they won't give Him their music. I also hear people say that it doesn't matter what they listen to, because they go to church on Sundays. I have a hard time believing that.

I can't see how someone can say that they are giving God everything, but are holding things back from Him. I also have a hard time when people say that you can make any song about God, because if others can't tell automatically to whom the song is referring to, then how can it be about God? I honestly believe that if God's in it, you'll know!

I have chosen to give God my everything. I don't agree with my friends' statements. I think that I owe God EVERYTHING. I don't get to pick and chose what I will surrender to Him and what I want to keep to myself. I have to surrender everything I am, own and will become to my Lord! The way I see it, He knows everything that was, is and is to come, then why not give Him my music, movies, language, interests, talents, and future plans? God gave His Son. Jesus gave His life... for US! I think the least we can do is give Them our EVERYTHING without holding anything back, because They didn't hold anything back from us.

"All to Jesus I surrender, all to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him and in His presence daily live! I surrender ALL! I surrender ALL! All to Thee my Blessed Savior! I surrender ALL!"

It's Hard To Stumble (When You're Down On Your Knees)

This has been a year of hurting, loving, learning and growing for me. I am starting to realize the kind of person I am and starting to, clearly, seeing the person I want to become.

So far this journey has been on of apology. It seems like I apologize a lot quicker and a lot more often than I used to. I now realize the consequences of not only my actions, but my REactions as well. Reactions for me, are usually worse than whatever action took place before hand. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it's something that I am asking God to help me with.

I started to realize that my reactions were worse than my actions when I saw that even though I never really did anything wrong, and I was just getting warned about something, I would cry. I felt like I never did anything right. I still get that way a lot. It's hard for me to realize that I'm not getting in trouble every time someone tries to help or "correct" me. Since it is hard for me to figure out whether I am "in trouble" or just being "corrected", I tend to flip out a wee bit... I cry, get mad, become frustrated, and then get mad at myself for whatever happened.

I know, now, that my reactions are not healthy. As a Child of God, I should expect to be corrected! I should know that I am not always going to be right. I'm going to stumble, and when someone like a music school teacher, pastor or teacher try to help me along the way, I should THANK THEM and pray to God for the help to change those things.

I know I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be, but I will just keep praying for God's help! I will stumble, but I know it's hard to stumble when I'm down on my knees!

ITS HARD TO STUMBLE

HAVE YOU HAD THOSE DAYS WHEN, NOTHING WENT RIGHT, HOPING YOUR RAINBOW WOULD COME INTO SIGHT. THEN YOU REMEMBER IN ALL YOUR DISMAY EVERYTHING GOES BETTER EVERYTHING GOES BETTER WHEN YOU TAKE TIME TO PRAY.

CHORUS
ITS HARD TO STUMBLE(ITS HARD TO STUMBLE) WHEN YOU'RE DOWN ON YOUR KNEES (DOWN ON YOUE KNEES)EVERYTHING YOU DO EVERYTHING YOU DO THE GOOD LORD SEES(THE LORD ALWAYS SEES) AND HE WILL HELP YOU (HE'LL SURLY HELP YOU ) AND HE 'LL HEAR YOUR PLEA (HE'LL YEAR YOUR PLEA) CAUSE ITS HARD TO STUMBLE ITS HARD TO STUMBLE WHEN YOU'RE DOWN ON YOUR KNEES

THERE GONNA BE TRIALS WE ALL MUST FACE, BUT WE HAVE A SAVIOR HE SUPPLYS US WITH GRACE. WHEN WE CALL UPON HIM A PRESENT HELP HE WILL BE FOR ITS HARD TO STUMBLE ITS HARD TO STUMBLE WHEN YOUR DOWN ON YOUR KNEES.

REPEAT CHORUS TWICE

I Am A Royal Descendent!

Okay, so you know that relative that is absolutely crazy? Yeah, we all have them. We love them, but we would rather them not be around 24/7. We also have those relatives that we love to be around. They spoil us, or make us laugh. They are just fun.

Families are just funny sometimes. They fight and they bicker, but through it all, they love each other. The old saying, "Blood is thicker than water" will always be true. Families are what hold people together.

We are all descendents of someone. Being a descendent is what makes us who we are. I am a descendent of Raymond Nix and Nikki Hughes who are descendents of Raymond Nix Sr., Carol Wilson, Annette Duke and Pete Hughes and so on and so forth. I am thankful for my family. They are a big part of my life story!

Although my family is a big part of what makes me: Katie Noel Nix, there is another family that makes me a Child of the King! One day I realized that I was lost and that I needed a Savior! When I surrendered my life to Jesus, I became part of THE family.

I am now a ROYAL DESCENDENT! (:

Royal Descendant

1.
I could tell you I'm nothing
And that would be telling the truth
I could say that I'm worthless,
A hopeless sinner, that's true
Oh but that is just part of the story
I haven't told everything
I was lost reborn and raised a child of the King!

Chorus
And I am a Royal Descendant of a King from Jerusalem
A part of the bloodline of David
That's who I am
And I claim kindred to Isaac, to Jacob, and Abraham
I'm a Royal Descendant of a King from Jerusalem

2.
How in this world can I stand and say such a thing
To say that I'm Royal and to claim
That my Father's a King
Oh, I'll have to take you to an altar
where it happened many years ago
I met the King and now I'm His and
that's all I know!

Chorus

Lessons From The Inspirations Part 7

November 25, 2010 (Thanksgiving Day.)
We went to grandma and grandpa's house for thanksgiving lunch and turkey soup for dinner. We got home late that night and got a call that changed our lives forever. Jessi M. Patrick passed away. One of my best friends. That was hard to get over, I haven't accomplished that yet...

November 25, 2011
Three days prior to this date, my Nana Nix went into a coma. The whole family rushed to Memory Lane (that's really the road name, by the way) to be with her. Uncle Marshall came from his job in Florida, Uncle Bryan an Kim from shopping in Atlanta, Aunt Sarah, Aunt Mary and Daddy were already there. Cousins who were close enough came, or headed our way ASAP. Nana's siblings came from North and South Carolina, and Great Uncle Elbert is coming from Michigan.
I'll never forget everyone's faces when we saw Nana lying in that bed motionless and helpless. It killed the grandkids, kids, and siblings alike.
When she passed on 11/25/11, everyone lost it. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. The kids and Great Uncle Tom were around the bed and the grandkids were draped around the room. She would stop breathing, then start again. Then it just stopped. And the silence over took the room.
Kolbe, Kelsey, Karley and I were talking about the whole situation, while we went to the other room while the funeral home came. We established that, even though we missed Nana, we knew she was in a better place. And even though a lot of our tears came from her death, the majority came from seeing our parents, aunt and uncles reach the breaking point. Our uncles and fathers, whom rarely cry, cried. Our aunts and mothers cried and checked on us. Seeing people we love so much feel so much pain, is probably what got us the most.
We know she's in a better place, but seeing the pain and how much we all miss her, will keep the tears falling for months to come.

Song: If You Only Knew

Verse: 2nd Corinthians 5:8

Song:

Have you prayed for a loved one... struggling hard with pain
you asked the lord for healing.... but that healing never came
and in spite of all your efforts , the good Lord called THEM home
its hard to let go, when your trying to hold on
Now your down in the valley looking up to the sky
and your praying.... "lord you know what's best but I don't understand why"
if you could hear your loved one... speaking now to you they'd say...
you wouldn't be grieving, if you only knew.
If you only knew, I'm just going home, your prayers have been answered, my sickness is gone,
Things look much better from Heavens view, The sun always shines we're having a good time if you only knew
To be absent from the body is present with the lord, I'm in the arm of Jesus now & I'm not suffering any more,
hand in hand we'll stroll together down Heaven's avenue...We're having a big celebration if you only knew.
If you only knew... I 'm just going home Your prayers have been answered,

If you only knew... I 'm just going home Your prayers have been answered,
my sickness is gone. Things look much better from Heavens view,
the sun always shines we're having a time if you only knew

Things look much better from Heaven's view
The sun always shines we're having a time If you only knew!

Verse: We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord. 2nd Corinthians 5:8

Growing Up--It's Harder Than It Looks

Tonight was one of the hardest nights I've had in Chorus. It was the class of 2012's last fall concert. Hard to believe. I remember our very first concert... EVER. I still remember when Alex Drost sang soprano. (That actually hadn't changed until recently...)

Mid-song tonight I started to remember all the times I've had with my fellow Chorus members, and some of our classmates. I thought about all the times we've had together, both good and bad. I hadn't realized until tonight how far apart we have fallen. I recall a time where we were all friends and that we loved and cared about each other. I remember being super close with Evans, Alex, Nolan, Kelsey Lockaby, Kelsey Miller, Heather, Lesley, Danielle, Irenee, Catie Tanner, Callie Payne, Callie Dyer, Samantha, Brooke, Lindsey, Morgan Kelley, Morgan Bryson, and the list goes on, and on, and onnnnnnn.

I remember when I used to get texts every day from each of those people. Now, all we do is acknowledge each other (if even that...). It's sad to know that the people that mean the most to me are the same people I hardly even talk to.

That last statement was hard to make, because I still really love each of them very much. they have all touched and changed my life and I don't know what I would've done without them.

I recall times in kindergarten with Catie, Nolan and Samantha. We were inseparable. Then in 6th grade, Tyler, Kelsey Lockaby and I always played American Idol Trivia on Tyler's phone. And how could I forget the time that Heather, Savannah Demers and I prank called everyone in our 8th grade class... "We're calling about your order of Asian Midgets..."

Then in the summers, I spent sooo much time with Irenee and Callie Payne. And all those bon-fires with Danielle, Evans and Alex. Who could ever forget the time Evans picked his plate up out of the bon-fire, threw the burning plate to the ground, and then had to pick it up again to throw it back into the fire. Throwing Alex in the pool was another highlight of that night.

I'm so glad I have all these memories, but it saddens me to think that alot of this will never happen again... It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday! :/ I love you guys. More than you know.

Never Walk Alone

Shattered, broken pieces of a daughter's heart hit the floor one by one with every word yelled out of her father's mouth. Tears burned in her eyes as she tried to hide her emotions as her English teacher told her she was not suited for college and that she would go no where in life. Her heart ached when the ones she loved so dearly turned to other friends and hobbies and left her alone standing in the wind.

We have all seen ourselves in places like this before. We feel alone. Desperate for love from the people we love the most. Everything seems so much worse when everything hits you at once. Especially when you are trying harder than you ever have. It feels like the world is upon our shoulders and we have to prove everyone wrong. We just have to. Or at least that is how I feel when bad things happen.

I feel the need to show everyone that I am more than they think that I am. I have to show my family that I am more than the "black sheep" of the family who only cares about church, music, the Duggars and The Inspirations. I need to show my friends that I am not a Christian just because I am sheltered. I need to show my church that I intend to leave everything up to God, and that I don't care about their personal opinions when it comes to my faith.

The only problem is that I can't do these things.... alone. I can not show them that I am trying to be all God wants me to be when I feel like I'm walking alone. I personally believe that we weren't made to be isolated people. I believe that God made us all to be "People persons." That's why I think that God said He could walk with us where ever we go.

We are truly never alone. God is continually with us. He will NEVER let us walk alone. We may not feel His presence, but He is always with us. Praise God. That's the only thing that keeps me going some days.

Verses: "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also." John 14:18-19

Song: Never Walk Alone
By: Brian Free and Assurance

Never Walk Alone

Verse 1: Arms stretched out wide, barley hanging on to life

left to suffer on your own

You came for all man kind to bridge the great divide yet some how ended up alone

because of all the blood and tears you shed,

I will never know that kind of loneliness

chorus: You spirit never leaves me,

Verse 2:Even when I'm hurting

I don't have to bear that burden on my own

You carried all the pain and buried all the shame

When you made that rugged tree Your righteous home

Because of You I'll never walk alone.

You came here as a man, I know you understand

What it's like to walk these roads

though my problems don't compare to that crown you had to wear

still you take them as your own

because of all the blood and tears your shed,

I will never know that kind of loneliness.

chorus 2xs

Lord, because of you I'll never walk alone.