This year has been one of great emotion. Sadness, loneliness, anger, bitterness, and happiness are among these feelings.
I'm extremely happy to graduate this year, but I can't help but wonder if I have impacted my classmates' lives like they have impacted mine.
I'm so sad that I have been down roads where I shouldn't have been, and possibly ruined my witness.
I feel like I'm all alone in this world as I try to stay on the straight and narrow.
I get angry when things don't work out the way I originally planned on.
I have been bitter at my old pastor, my current pastor, my family and at times even God for things that happen beyond my control.
These are just some of the things that I feel on a regular basis. I know that some of these feelings are normal and it won't hurt me for feeling this way. But some of them can be spiritually deadly.
I have talked to God about all of these feelings, but sometimes, even though I know God hears me, I feel like my prayers don't get far above the bed side. People say it's just because I am a teenager. But I don't agree with this. Teenagers may be moody, but they know more than people give them credit for.
I know what it's like to lose people you love. I've lost twice. I know what its like to be burdened by someone elses' problems. I know what it's like to be judged by adults. I know what it's like to have parents that fight. I know what it's like when you realize things that you thought were important, weren't that important after all.
We know a lot more than people think. We get treated like we have no idea what pain is, or that we don't know what it's like to have your world literally crashing down. We know what it's like when God answers our prayers, and we know what it's like when God doesn't.
I don't understand everything, but I know how I feel. I know that sometimes I feel like God doesn't care, but then I get reminded of the cross. I know that He loves me all the time, whether I feel like He does or not. He is my King!
I love You, Jesus! And I'm happy that even when I mess up or have hateful feelings that You stretched Your arms out wide to tell me that You loved me so much that You DIED to be with me. Jesus, You are my everything. I love You so much.
Confessions of a Teenaged Heart.
