Whoaa. Hard to Believe...

Okay, so today is the 25th. Two months ago, my best friend, Jessi,passed away. When I realized that it was the 25th, I was like, okay, maybe I can make it through the day... but I was totally wrong. I walked into Ms. Poole's room and I sat down like any other day. She started telling us crazy stories, and she started talking about her EX-Husband's 19 year old brother that died of LEUKEMIA! I was thinking, "Ms. Poole, of ALL the things you could talk about, you choose CANCER?!" I held it together through that. When I made it to homeroom, I went to find Kelli Owenby, told her: "It's been 2 months." And she just looked back at me and was automatically said, "If you need a shoulder to cry on, here's mine. USE IT!" That made me feel alittle better, cause I know I have probably been driving people crazy by talking about Jessi all the time. I finally made it to 4th block... Mrs. Batchelor. We talked about DEATH the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME! We finished up our projects on the story, "A Worn Path" or something like that, and the older lady was going crazy because her Grandson had died and she thought he was still alive and acted like he was still living. Sometimes, I feel like that. I feel like Jessi is gonna walk through those doors any moment and smile that big ol' smile of hers. Does that make ME crazy? I never realized that you could miss someone so much. This is crazy. she's only been gone 2 months, and it feels like 200 years! It's insane. My day has been just as haywire as my thoughts in this blog. Am I going crazy? or is this just part of the healing process? Will I ever get past this? or will I live like this forever? I pray and pray that this will get easier, or Jesus will come and get us.

"Jesus, I just want to thank You for taking care of Jessi. Thank You for letting me know her. Jesus, I'm ready to see her again, and get to see You. That will be the greatest thing ever. I love You, Lord. So very much. Amen." 

The Perfect Man

Okay, so watching the movie: "The Perfect Man" and it's about a single mother that is trying to find her 'perfect man.' Like there is such thing. I know I have claimed that a guy is 'perfect,' but I also remember my 'perfect' is different from someone else's 'perfect.' So truly, there IS no perfect man outside of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. This is kind of a venting post as well as a realization one for me. Although I may not find my perfect man, I know there will be a man somewhere in my future. Well, hopefully(: All I know is that I'm praying and waiting. I know God hears(: